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" Yes ma'am," I smiled back at her, and reached out to shake her hand. It seemed like a business-like, grown-up thing to do. "I enjoyed helping you. It didn't feel like punishment at all." Why don't you call me Judy? Mrs. Martin makes me feel like an old lady." She held my hand in hers, and I felt a fingernail lightly stroking my palm. I had no idea how stimulating that one small gesture could be. It tickled, but in a very good way. I wasn't sure if it had been an accident, or if she had meant to do it, but when I glanced at her face I knew it had been intentional.I had never had a woman, or girl for that matter, look at me with so much interest. Today, I would say she was looking at me with bedroom eyes, but at fifteen all I knew was that something very interesting was happening. Part of me wanted to run off, like a little boy. But I had made up my mind to face my punishment like a man, so I stayed, staring back at my new friend Judy as she continued to hold my hand and tickle my. This made me an easy target for bullies. A person can take just so much of it before they snap. One day, my anger got the best of me and I pushed a boy down. He fell and hit his head causing a serious injury to him. The whole thing was blown way out of proportion. As a result, I was sent to a psychiatrist. This is where my life took a dramatic turn.The diagnosis was borderline psychotic. I was prescribed Risperadol. My Mom decided to retire and homeschool me. Things went very well for a few years. I was less anxious and engulfed by my moms love.Soon after I turned 12, came another blow to my life. It was a sunny June morning. I awoke and headed into the kitchen for breakfast. Strangely, my mom was not sitting at the table sipping her cup of coffee. I called out, "Mommy?" A harsh silence filled the apartment. I went into my moms room. She was still sleeping. I put my hand on her shoulder and whispered, "Mommy?" She didn't move. The gravity of the situation hit me. I ran to the phone.
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